I know that you're still mad at me for dosing you with sleeping powder and then disguising myself as you so that I could tag along to the Feywild, but didn't you punish me enough by throwing me into the ocean?! Fully clothed, I might add! Now I have to write you a summary of what happened there too? Seems needlessly cruel. Aren't you a cleric? Aren't there tenets of mercy and compassion that you need to follow?
EURGH! Enough stalling.
If you want the deets about the hedge you'll have to ask one of them because I don't know. What I do know is that I was trying to enjoy the queen's party and slowly acclimating myself to the wildberry poptarts (I kept asking what types of berries went into them but cooks and servers just kept saying "wild" and I was like, yeah I know but what KIND? Genus and species here, people! We talking fruiting plants or fleshy conifer-type growths?! So aggravating....) when a swarm of buzzing angry bee people swept in, trashed the place, swatted the poptart out of my hand, and snatched me up!
(ღ˘⌣˘ღ) Ghost-on-the-snow (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) did his best to fight them back, but they were much fiercer than they looked. Thye stung up his beautiful, haunting face and stole me right out of the palace.
While in the clutches of these "honey-goblins" (as the fairies had shouted during the attack) one of them, Cardi, explained the situation to me. Apparently my family was big time here in the feywild some few hundred years ago. "Bocksprocket Mega Mead" was their signature concoction and it was hugely popular in the feywild. They actually couldn't make enough to fulfill demand. They needed better bees. So, using their magic, they created a race of highly efficient, intelligent bee people.:the very honey goblins that now had me in their clutches.
The Bocksprockets of old called them "contractors," but they were basically enslaved in all the ways that matter. After decades of this mistreatment, they rose up against their gnome overlords and started a vicious and bloody conflict.
The silver lady, Xalatamos (and more about her later) heard of the struggle between Bee and Bocksprocket and took it upon herself to pass judgement on the situation. As punishment for their evil and greedy deeds, the Bocksprockets were banished forever from the Feywild and the Honey Goblins were granted their Crystal City as recompense. The punishment for a Bocksprocket returning to the Fey? DEATH!! (ʘᗩʘ') No one, however, had seen it necessary to tell ME any of this before I marched into the feywild, doe-eyed and overeager.
So there I was, suspended over a pot of boiling honey, about to become some kind of bavarois gnome reduction when our fearsome threesome charged in, ready to bust some bee heads. They could have done it too, did I tell you how scary Polar Bear Zaxori was?! But I quickly explained the situation and Genevieve managed to diplomacy our way out of it. Dhani also did some dancing which the bees loved, and Zaxori, from what they told me afterwards, was the only reason they'd been able to find me in the first place. Sometimes I forget how lucky I was to bumble onto a ship crewed by a group of extremely competent weirdos (but don't tell them I said that.)
So, with me being freshly rescued and hunks of honey-glazed ham in our tummies (It only occurs to me now as I write this how deeply ironic it was for me to baste another creature with honey that had been meant to kill me (ʘ^ʘ), it was time to summon Xalatamos and put some questions to her. To be honest, I'd almost forgotten why we'd come to the Feywild in the first place. So anyway, the gang did a ritual that they learned from a mole that involved MORE HONEY and something red and slimy that looked like something a dog chewed up. Dhani told me it was the fire bladder of a Queen Flame Beetle and that they'd killed it before coming to rescue me. I swear, the things these people get up to...
Xalatamos was made of birds. I know! Beautiful silver hummingbirds! Pretty shocking. She basically told us that the Material Plane is borked and that we should set up shop in the Feywild in order to, uh, not die as babbling minions of Kaos. Right. Great. Good advice.
We (and by we I don't mean me at all because I was just hanging back admiring the thirty foot bird lady) pressed her further and she gave us some details on how me might maybe, possibly (probably not) beat Kaos.
First, she told us that Kaos now has a buddy down there beneath the Deadwaters, which is fun and good. Apparently her name is Leukosia, a child of Vaya, and she was one of the three heroes to put Kaos down the first time. Why she's now allied with her former enemy is a mystery.
Second, she told us that we'd need a new way to traverse the Deadwaters. Her mortal plane body can't do it because it's trapped in some kind of magic ice. That's the big dragon turtle, btw. So with Kaos' influence leaking out as that terrible chant, he's safe down there. "His prison has become his fortress," Xalatamos said.
(Can we talk about the name "Deadwaters" for a sec. I mean, come on. How on-the-nose can you be? Why didn't they call it "The Water What Kills You.")
Third, she said we'd need to gather the weapons of the old heroes to stand a chance. We need the Eventide Bow, which was wielded by Leukosia and might be in the lost city of the sea elves. Oh duh, you know this part because that's where we're sailing to now. Well I'm not wasting any energy erasing it. But I guess I just spent more energy explaining the fact that I'm not erasing it. DAMN YOU TIRAN!!!
We also need the Sword of the Glorious Pearl which was last in the care of St. Cuthbert. That belonged to Legaia, which is a name that's come up before. Xalatamos said that she is missing. Or hiding. She wasn't sure.
And we need the Roo-yee..uh. Roogi? It's a stick. And it might be with the cloud giants that live above the Azure Sea. It belonged to Algaphonus who was the brother of the other two. (Cloud giants, huh? I thought they were just a myth. How are we supposed to get up there? Last I checked the Violet can't fly.)
After that, we asked to be transported back to this plane, but in hindsight we should have been specific because we ended up a good sixy feet in the sky and there was falling and flailing and...well you showed up soon after so you know the rest: Pirate Windcallers, Captain Bogard, a pitched battle on deck, blah blah blah.
And now we're sailing toward Lemuria, a place I will not be going. I've had my fill of adventure for a bit, thankyouverymuch. Just my luck, I'd find out that my ancestors had offended the Deep Dragon in some way and I'd have to, I don't know, paint his apartment as reparations. No thanks.
Plus I can't breathe underwater, so there's that too. Speaking of, isn't that going to be an issue for Dhani and Zax? I know Genevieve can get all gilly when she needs to. And you're, well, briny af. Oh well. Above my paygrade! I'll just make sure they have something hot to eat when they get back. (▰˘◡˘▰)
Aaaand that's about it. Nothing more to tell right now. So consider my debt PAID. Feliza OUT.